A bittersweet Feline Friday

Honestly….I’ve been staring at the screen trying to figure out how to write this post. I don’t want everyone to think I’m a horrible pet owner to my babies or people to think I didn’t try.

Last May Hayyel started getting violent to Valkyrie. She’d chase her down and claw her and attack her. We went to the vet and he said it wasn’t anything physical and told us to try some feliway plug ins and things. We spent hundreds of dollars on stuff trying to figure this out. Then in November Hayyel clawed Valkyrie up so severely they both went to the vet.  He told me ‘unfortunately some cats just need to be by themselves and they are just crabby’

At that point the vet told me that we would either have to keep Hayyel completely quarantined in a room to keep her away from Valkyrie or rehome her. I didn’t want to rehome her but I felt horrible with shutting her in a room when she was used to roaming the house.

I didn’t want the guilt. We were supposed to be her family! You don’t get rid of family! I’m crying while I write this. Hayyel is an amazing kitty you guys.

She’s a beautiful soul and a beautiful friend but she needs to be the only pet. The vet told me this happens sometimes and it wasn’t our fault. But I still refused and I didn’t want her to go.

So we kept her separated but in December she broke out and bit Valkyrie so roughly she had to go to the vet again. So I started looking for a home for Hayyel.

This has not been easy guys. Please please don’t look at me like one of those selfish owners who doesn’t know how to take care of a pet or just gets rid of one willy nilly. But she was stressed and she was hurting herself and Valkyrie. I have friends who share things on social media about bad owners and how there’s never a reason to rehome.

I’ve been beating myself up over this. I’ve made myself sick these last two days but a few days ago a lady contacted me. Her mother was looking for a calico kitty after her calico of 16 years old died of cancer a month prior. She would be the only pet period, they would never give her up and she’d be a companion animal to an older lady. Guys, I knew this was the best thing for my Angel.

But it’s hard and it hurts and we spent hours last night crying and crying. I’m crying right now writing all this. I tried! I swear I did. And she didn’t go somewhere scary. When she got to her new mom’s house last night? They handed their mom one of my old shirts and Hayyel went right to her and they fell in love.

They’ve friended me and have promised me weekly photos so I know Hayyel is doing well and she loves her new mommy already.

So why? Why do I feel like I failed? Why do I feel like I’m a terrible Fur Mama?

I hurt and this is a very bittersweet feline Friday. I failed. My kitty is gone. I miss her so much and I’m still crying over it. My beloved Hayyel.

I love you. I’m sorry we weren’t good enough for you. I’m sorry if this blog post changes how you feel about me. But I honestly think no matter how guilty I feel that we did the best thing we could for Hayyel. She’s now in an only pet home where she can be spoiled and loved for life.

I just miss her. My baby

Probably not a very pleasant thing to add to the blog hop. But something that does need discussed I think.